Wardrobe Overhaul Part 1: Closet Declutter
The Sizeable Discard Pile consisted of 39 items (plus socks and underwear) that I had cycled through during the first 8 months of weight loss. I was supposed to send the lot to Thredup in the 3 giant bags they’d sent me. That never happened. I guess I was waiting until I used the clothes to make a “closet declutter” video for YouTube.
I made the video, but I hated it. It just wasn’t me. I was wearing makeup and acting like losing weight was the secret to happiness. I was trying to imitate the YouTube videos I had seen so frequently- the clean, white interior with the requisite plant in the corner, the cheerful demeanor, the cutaways to me modeling the clothes. Ultimately, I was embarrassed by it. The thought of anyone I knew seeing it appalled me. So I scrapped it and waited until I could start over.
Months went by. Tumbleweed rolled through my office where I had stashed the stuff. Sometimes I was tempted to just say “fuck it” and send it all away in the mail. But I still held onto this idea that I’d make a video, and so I held onto the clothes, too.
Well, I finally did it: I made a video. I sent off the Thredup bags (plus an extra box). I included the results of this most recent clearout as well, which I documented over the course of a week. Hopefully I’ll feel better about this video and will actually let you see it.
After The Sizeable Discard Pile back in August of 2019, I reneged on the tan Supergas, but everything else stayed in the pile.
Since then, I’ve parted with a few pairs of pants: the size 38 Levi’s, the size 40 Levi’s, the size 40 grey men’s pants, and the size 12 skinny jeans.
I also stopped wearing these two bras which got too big, replacing them with just one bra before our trip to Germany. And then of course there were the bedraggled pink Everlane tees that I loathed.
But once I opened up the storage bin of smaller clothes last week, I realized it was time for a major clearout and overhaul. I started by decluttering the pajamas I’ve been wearing since I was 224 pounds. First are the 8 Old Navy XXL gym and sleep tees in grey and blue, as well as 4 sleep tanks in the same size:
Then there was a grey LOFT sleep hoodie I wasn’t crazy about, some taupe pajama pants that were too big, and two pairs of navy Ralph Lauren pajama pants that I just plain wore out this year:
There were gym clothes to be decluttered. Both of my Under Armour leggings, the “cold gear” and the “heat gear” seemed to slide down when I ran, so those unfortunately had to go. The same was true for my RBX joggers that I used to wear as an outer layer for cold weather running. And I finally conceded that my black sweatpants were too short and too worn out to hang onto.
There was also an Old Navy sweatshirt with three-quarter sleeves that I never really figured out the point of; I think I just got it on sale for less than a dollar and couldn’t resist. And then my running shoes were retired a couple months back and replaced; I’d had them for two and a half years and I was overdue for new ones.
When it comes to everyday clothes, or my capsule wardrobe, the big purge was in the T-shirt department. I got rid of all 6 GAP Factory tees- the 2 black, 2 white, and 2 navy. I finally let go of the size 20 ASOS ones in black and grey. And as much as I wanted to hold onto them, I had to say goodbye to my 3X J. Crew navy blue tees. I really loved them, but they were falling off my shoulders and I couldn’t even stand to sleep in them, so they had to go.
I got rid of 2 pairs of pants: the men’s black dress pants from Ebay that I barely got to wear before they got too big, and my too-big size 14W black skinny jeans which had survived many a wardrobe changeover. Also going are all three belts, including my Dickies men’s leather belt, which was difficult to part with.
Hang in there; it’s almost over. Both my bathing suit and my swimming shorts/top combo had to go (too big).
Six pairs of 3-year-old winter socks were worn out, as well as 3 newer pairs of thin crew socks.
And then there’s this secret pair of brand-new GAP joggers with the tag still on that I’ve never mentioned until now (I had two other identical pairs that I did actually wear).
Lastly, there’s the bra I bought back in October, right before our last trip to Germany, which has since gotten too big.
I’m holding onto a stack of underwear that are a bit too big, just because they were expensive and purchased not too long ago and I can’t bear to toss them in the trash just yet. Two of my four sports bras fit slightly larger, so they’ve gotten too big to wear for running, but again, they were expensive and hard to find, so I need some time before they go.
But otherwise, that covers it. That comes to 41 items out the door, plus my pile of socks. Add to that 4 items from storage I got rid of straight away, and it comes to 45. Add in the 38 items (plus socks and underwear) from The Sizeable Discard Pile, and it comes to 83 items. Add to that the stuff that had been decluttered during the interim (8 items) and you get a whopping 92 pieces of clothing.
The whole process was far more time-consuming and emotional than expected. I mean, I had a relationship with those T-shirts; it was hard to let them go. And what’s with hanging on to the underwear and sports bras that are too big? Is it fear that I’ll gain the weight back and need them? I don’t know; I feel fairly confident about my diet and exercise habits being a permanent institution.
Maybe it’s just the change in body size. Hiding in those oversized clothes made it easier to pretend my body wasn’t really changing in any visible way. I don’t know if I like the idea of wearing clothes that actually fit. Will people see me differently? Will I see myself differently? Will I become vain? Will I stop caring whether clothes come in plus sizes and just obliviously recede into the straight-size blogosphere?
Hopefully the quarantine will give me some time to adjust to my changing body- and my changing wardrobe. I need to allow myself room to figure out just what I feel comfortable wearing and what I don’t. I’m thinking back to my analysis of my smaller clothes and whether they fit in with my more recent style inclinations. Maybe that can serve as a guide to keep me connected to who I really am and how I want to dress going forward.